Forget Flowers: Buy Your Woman Some Whiskey This Valentine's Day

And, specifically Laphroaig.  I have long been a whiskey fan and very loyal to Laphroaig due to its impeccable, consistent quality at a reasonable price point. Since the distillery in charming Islay has been in operation for over 200 years, I guess they know what they're doing by now.  Their PR will not confirm that leprechauns count among the magical employees but I have my suspicions.

Pineapple of My Eye

 However, it has come to my attention over the years that some gals unfortunately are intimidated or put off by this spirit as they associate it with old boys' clubs, i.e., not-so-safe-spaces for women. This stereotype is certainly based on some degree of truth as many ROWDs (Rich Old White Dudes) who frequent private societies do display a particular predilection for single malts, but as a proud Irish woman I know whiskey is the people's drink!  And, despite what this administration might have you believe, women are people, too. So, this February the 14th gift your female partner in crime a bottle of whiskey.  Laphroaig Select is a terrific for the whiskey newbie due to its subtle sweetness and mild smoky notes.  However, should your inamorata already be a whiskey lover, I recommend indulging in some Laphroaig 10 Year Old. Either way, enjoy the first round neat (Bridey's preferred preparation), then mix up some cocktails, like this terrific one created by Ivy Mix.

Pineapple of My Eye

• 1 & 1/2 parts Laphroaig 10 Year Old

• 1/2 part pineapple rum

• 3/4 part lime juice

• 3/4 part simple syrup

• 1/2 teaspoon pomegranate molasses

Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake vigorously and strain into a rocks glass over fresh ice. Garnish with lime.

Hampton Creek Just Mayo: Reuben Burgers

Earlier this week I posted about deploying some Hampton Creek "Awesomesauce" for Crab and Salmon Bruschetta, which I plan to serve on Memorial Day.  Yesterday I was again inspired by a food show on the Travel Channel (specifically, Burgerland), and decided to make burgers for supper.  Those that know me well know I am a creature of habit (actually, the understatement of the year), so while I was tempted to drown my patty in just more Awesomesauce, I resisted the urge to succumb to another albeit delicious consumption pattern in favor of trying something new.  Specifically,  Just Mayo's "Just Thousand (Island)" dressing.  And because for me 1000 Island dressing is synonymous with Reuben sandwiches, I gave my burger a little deli inflection.

Step 1: Season your patty.

When I have a burger, I have a burger--you what I'm sayin'? That means no less than a half pound of ground chuck. I then season my little beef baby with salt, pepper, and (my favorite) minced garlic.

Step 2: Cook to desired doneness; Step 3: Top with corned beef.

Since Bridey is a rare bird, she naturally likes her meat very rare; however, if pink flesh makes you squeamish by all means cook your burger longer.  (If that means until it's a hockey puck, well, God forgive you.)  After a good sear on both sides, I added some sliced corned beef.

Step 4: Top with sauerkraut.

Next, I added an ample amount of sauerkraut for tang and textural contrast. 

Step 5: Layer on the swiss cheese.

Then comes swiss cheese, which should be melted by placing a cover briefly over the pan. . (Btw, see that puddle of beef and oil? It looks gross but tastes delicious.)  

Step 6: Add Just Thousand Island

I removed my burger from the pan to bread it (if we can use "plate" as a verb, then I damn well am going to use "bread" in the same fashion) and add Just Thousand Island.  However, I recommend returning your Reuben Burger back to the still hot pan and using a sandwich press to smoosh the finished sammie such that the bread absorbs the juices. 

Hampton Creek Just Mayo: Garlic Crab and Salmon Bruschetta

This past December I first tried Hampton Creek's Just Mayo, an eggless mayonnaise, which among other things, worked remarkably well as a base for tuna and egg salad (irony noted).  The ever-enterprising chefs at Hampton Creek have continued on their creative streak and added three (relatively new) varieties to the line-up: "Awesomesauce," "Just Russian" dressing, and "Just Sweet Mustard."  With Memorial Day fast-approaching, I was more than happy to engage in some experimentation with these condiments to refine my own personal contribution to our apartment complex's group cookout. That crazy cat lady from #10 has another thing coming if she thinks her potato salad gets all the props this year....HAH! 

Step 1: Dollop of Awesomesauce

Now, Hampton Creek has quite an elaborate YouTube recipe channel, which leads you step by step through the preparation of diverse sweet and savory dishes featuring their products as ingredients. But after watching Andrew Zimmern eat his way through Baltimore during my early morning workout, I developed a hankering for some crab meat. So, I created my riff on bruschetta using this crustacean.

Step 2: Minced garlic

After toasting small slices of a French baguette, I added about a teaspoon of Just Mayo "Awesomesauce," which is basically an (eggless) mayonnaise infused with garlic and onions. It's tangy, just a little sweet, and perhaps not exactly what you should eat before a major smooch session, but A-okay if your inamorato is away for the evening. Because you can never have enough garlic, I added more minced garlic on top of the Awesomesauce.

Step 3: Top with lump crab meat and dill.

Finally, I topped with jumbo lump crab meat and a small sprig of dill. Then, I repeated the process approximately 15 times and ate all the slices while watching The Real Housewives of New York.

If crab is not your thing, the above recipe can easily be modified with smoked salmon.

Passover Product Review Part 2: Gefen Potato Crisps and Glick's Coconut Macaroons

In Part 1 of my review of Passover products, I focused on the more healthful stuff: beets and couscous, the latter of which I used as a carbohydrate base for a tofu scramble.  

But sometimes you feel like a snack and just because you can't have any hametz on hand doesn't mean noshing isn't an option. I mean, c'mon, do ya expect me to nibble on parsley while watching House of Cards? 

Cue the Gefen Kartofele, i.e., kosher for passover potato crisps that also happen to be gluten-free. The original flavor is mild, fairly addictive, and reminded me of a more buttery style of oyster cracker. Of course, this shiksa's first association upon tasting the crisps would be something entirely non-kosher like shellfish.

First prize, however, in the kosher snack category goes to Glick's Coconut Macaroons. I will admit I may be biased given my penchant for sweet over savory, but I nevertheless stick by ranking as the moist texture and pure, not over-sweet coconut flavor was just terrific. A generous layer of dark chocolate and the dusting of sea salt didn't hurt either. My one suggestion: make 'em bigger, Glick's!

Passover Product Review Part 1: Gefen

Recently I was approached by Kedem with an offer to sample and review some of their kosher products. Because my knowledge of the kosher food world could fit in a dollhouse thimble, I had some trepidation about offering my thoughts on the quality of these products; however, in the pursuit of trying new things and learning, albeit sometimes clumsily, I did some taste-testing. Kedem was generous  enough to send a diverse array of their wares and thus I will be tackling them in multiple posts. 

Tofu and Egg Scramble with Geffen Couscous

The Original "Mediterranean Style" couscous boasted a yellow hue that was far sunnier on the packaging than in reality.  But ultimately that mattered little as the terrific texture combined with the fragrant flavor (enhanced with a bit of sea salt) gave rise to a delightful mouthfeel and satisfying taste.  One tip: follow the directions regarding how much water to use in cooking. Dingbat Bridey was a little sloppy and had to drain her couscous of excess liquid.

I hate to compare beets to couscous, but I have to say I liked the former even better.  Perhaps I was overly impressed with their size (near baseballs) and their incredibly fresh sweet meat. I could eat these things whole like apples, though all those errant scarlet juices would probably make me look like I was bleeding to death from wrists.

Double win, so far, Kedem. 

Valentine's Day Gifts For Foodies: National Edition

While local purveyors provide plenty of options for foodie V-day gifts, sometimes you have to go farther afield to find the perfect present for that special someone...or your spouse. Har. Here my top five picks:

5. Really anything from Murray's Cheese...though if you really want to score points, go for the "Cheese of the Month" club membership. If your sweetie is a fan of stinky cheeses, you can't go wrong with Epoisses.

4. Season With Spice: Asian Sea Salt Sampler Kit. With an absolutely astounding selection of Asian spices (Aleppo Chili flakes! Sri Lankan curry!), Season With Spice  is a wonderful resource for the ambitious home cook. Lest your love be overwhelmed by choice, gift him or her with one their sampler of flavored sea salts, all of which pair well with different proteins and vegetables.

3. Try the World subscription. The next best thing to food tourism is Try the World, a subscription service that delivers a curated assortment of food samples from a particular foreign destination (past picks include Argentina, Paris, Japan).  Warning: May prompt your partner to take you on an international journey.

2. Williams-Sonoma's Heart Rosebud Cake. This dense, moist dark chocolate cake is crowned with an equally thick layer of buttercream rosettes. Yes, it's $50. Who the f%ck cares--can you put a price on love? 

1. Laphroaig Single Malt. Champagne is so 2010. Keep it classy this Valentine's Day and procure a bottle of Laphroaig 10-year-old single malt. Its smooth, subtle smoky notes are the perfect complement to chocolate and cheese, making this whisky the perfect Valentine's Day libation. 

Valentine's Day Gifts For Foodies: Local Edition

Stumped as to what to give your foodie inamorata/o for Valentine's Day? Here are my five favorite locally-sourced foodie gifts.

Available now through February 16th at Central Market.

5. Banner Dark Chocolate Butter.  One of the many delicious  products featured in Central Market's Chocolate Festival, this cocoa butter goes well with crisp toasted baguette slices. Available now through February 16th.

4. Nice Winery Reserve Malbec. I would gladly sip most anything designed by Nice winemakers Ryan Levy and Ian Eastveld, but special props go to their Reserve Malbec, which recently received a rating of 92 points. Indulge for only $34 this Valentine's Day.

Criminally cute.

3. 3 Brothers Bakery Frosted Sugar Cookies. I've swooned over the baked goods at 3 Brothers Bakery in the past; indeed, I have yet to encounter a confection from their case I didn't like.  These sugar cookies not only boast a whimsical exterior design but also a terrific vanilla taste and flaky texture.

 2. The Brownie Bowl's Red Velvet Brownie (Bowls). As its name might suggest, The Brownie Bowl, in addition to offering luscious brownies in creative flavors such as peanut butter and bourbon Mississippi Mud, also vends edible bowls MADE OUT OF BROWNIES. Yes, you read right. Pick up a four-pack of the red velvet variety and a pint of Ben & Jerry's for the ultimate  Valentine's Day sundae.

1. Urban Eats' Jalapeno Bacon Jam. Although much of the fare at Urban Eats requires in-house dining (really the best way to enjoy their Cowgirl Sliders and Monkey Bread), if you must get something to go from this bistro that doubles as a gourmet market, bring home a container of their addictive jalapeno bacon jam to your beloved.  With a modest bite from the pepper, porcine notes from the bacon, and just a hint of sweetness, this jelly is wonderfully balanced and the perfect complement to, well, just about anything.